Wake Me Up Before You "Oh No!"

George Michael is a Cancer . . . which is also his zodiac sign.

Nine years ago I left my very first job . . . because they made me, and I figured it was finally time to pierce my ears and grow some facial hair. I couldn't while still employed with Cask N' Cleaver due to their outdated appearance standards. I was 23, and puberty had finally granted me the ability to grow a goatee that didn't have patches missing. So what if my sister referred to them as "chin pubes," damn it, I felt like a man.

My manhood feeling was short lived because when I asked Lesley if she approved of my new look she told me: "You kinda look like George Michael."

Ah, the joys of having that one friend who will tell you the truth. Does this shirt make me look fat? Is this a good color for me? Can I pull off these red cowboy boots? No matter what, every answer she gives me, however she sugar coats it, is her honest opinion. So what do you say when the truthful and highly validated person you trust says you look like George Michael?

I did what any self respecting Gemini would do. I brushed off the comment and told myself that clearly, Lesley's mind was still stuck in the 80's. Her license plate was 80SGIRL for the love of Ray J. If anything it was the combination of earrings and facial hair, which was becoming a very popular look in 2004. I wasn't looking like George Michael! The current trend was! These were all things I told myself so I could sleep better at night.

It got worse when I decided to let my hair grow out. I have my mother to thank for this insane mop of hair that goes so crazy sometimes, its almost like my hair is screaming "WEAVE ME ALONE." People ask me what I do to my hair to make it look the way it does. The truth: I brush it. My hair is naturally wavy, which if you're a woman, I hear, is highly sought after. Every girl who looks at my hair tells me they would kill to have a natural wave. For men, or at least myself, not so lucky. Because I have a natural wave to my hair, the comparison to Mr. Michael became even more apparent.

To this day, I can't tell if that is a good thing or not. Most women who love 80's music swoon over George Michael and want him to put that "boom boom" into their hearts. However, this is no longer the 80's, and the new George women are swooning for is Clooney. So now I am stuck with a celebrity doppelganger whose latest notoriety is being caught soliciting sex in a bathroom. This could be why I don't take it as a compliment when people make the comparison to me and my Wham! look alike.

It's kind of annoying being compared to someone else all the time. It feels like you have no identity of your own because someone else is looming over you. Plus I am not a fan of repetition, and the situation always plays out the same. I think I first became aware of this when Lesley kept getting perturbed for being compared to Julia Stiles when we were younger. Once a week she would be serving some random table and their line would be: "Do you know who you look like?" That is the exact same question I get, verbatim. Just to be a smart ass, I will say "Wait. Is it George Michael?" To which the reply that always follows, "You must get that a lot."

She would tell me getting compared to George Michael is a good thing.
Les: "It's definitley a step up from when you were doing that blonde crap and being called Guy Fieri!"
Toph: "Blonde crap?!?  Let me tell you the 10 Things I Hate About You."

She did have a point. George Michael trumps Guy Fieri no matter how you slice it. Could you imagine looking like Ron Jeremy? I bet the next question on everybody's mind is do you both have enormous . . . talent. And if you didn't, that is probably the worst hand dealt by fate. I bet even Ron Jeremy himself would look at you and say, "You poor bastard," with the head shake.

 This got me thinking. Is being compared to a celebrity only a compliment depending on the celebrity doppelganger? My friend Lindsay cut her hair the other day, and I made a reference to her looking like she just came off the set of Facts of Life. As she laughed at my comment and shared it with her husband, he told her that she kinda looked like Natalie. Immediately Lindsay was offended and replied with, "Great. Now I am the fat one? I would have taken Tootie or the lesbian over her." This could have been a pre-Shark Week moment for Lindsay, but I feel her pain. After all, it was Lindsay who asked me if I would be her father figure and if she could put her tiny in hand in mine. I was never the same again after that summer.........

Don has his moments where he looks like John Corbett. When he grew his hair out, it was even more noticeable. Because we are both sarcastic A-holes, we would tease each other about our counterparts. He would ask me to sing Careless Whisper at karaoke, and I would tell him that I'm sorry Carrie cheated on him with Mr. Big.

Just recently it was brought to my attention that my brother-in-law looks like Kenny Chesney. Now I have been trying every excuse I can to get Wayne to put on a cowboy hat.

What can I say? I think his tractor's sexy. And in drag . . . . he can totally pulls off Cher:

So while people are giving me the "Do you know who you look like?" line, or when the bolder people start singing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, I just remind myself that there are worse things. I could look like that OTHER guy from Wham!. What was his name again? And while I look like George Michael at 30, I pray to God that I age better then he did. Because if this is what I am going to look like at 50, I have lost all of my "faith-a-faith-a-faith-ah!"

On a final note. Here are some people in my life that I wanted to compare to celebrities, just so they could share the burden I face every day. Enjoy:

Mary vs Missi Pyle

Greg vs. Trent Reznor

 Jason vs Ariel

 My Sister vs. That Girl from the Blind Melon Video

 My Father vs Darth Sidious/Chancellor Palpatine

With my father, the similarities don't stop at the looks. If you don't see it, your arrogance blinds you, and you will soon experience the full power of the dark side.

P.S. Shortly after publishing, I was reminded of one of the longest running lookalikes in our group.

Megan vs. Lauren Ambrose

                                                     Denise Flemming is a tampon.