Why I Hate Burger King

This just in. Apparently I over use the word "hate" in reference to how I feel about certain things. This was first brought to my attention by Ms. Lesley-Anne back in the day (which was a Wednesday), when I was young. According to Lesley, and Jack Nicholson from As Good As It Gets, the word "hate" should be used sparingly or else it loses its severity. The other day, I was told this again, which made me do the "stop and think" face, which is very similar to the "should I go poop now, or wait until I get home" face.

What I have come to realize is that I do not over-use the word "hate;" turns out I really just "hate" a lot of things! I don't think that it's because I'm an asshole (like Troy), or even a negative guy in general, it's just that softer word choices, such as "dislike" don't capture what I'm feeling when I am expressing things that I don't like.  Let's just say I've never been the guy that can look someone in the eye while fighting and say, with a straight face:  "I'm a tad bit peeved right now."  That being said, I'm going to TRY and work on expanding my horizons and think outside of black and white terms.  I'd be foolish to say that I can only "love" or "hate" things...so, in order to satisfy Lesley, and prove to a certain Virgo that I am not stubborn, I have compiled a list (in no particular order) of ten things I will only use the word "hate" when referencing.

1.) Hilary Duff

2.) NOTW stickers

3.) Butter

4.) The Kardashians

5.) Dave Matthews Band

6.) Dusting the house

7.) Jettas

8.) "Love Song" by Selena Gomez

9.) Freddie Prinze Jr.

10.) Burger King

Cancers almost the list...we'll say they got "Honorable Mention." While they do annoy the crap out of me, there are some Cancers out there I do love, and they didn't steal Sarah Michelle Gellar away from me.

But back to my hate.  How did these things earn their place on the hate list? Let's explore Burger King.

I have not eaten at a Burger King in over 18 years. That's right. That's how much I hate the place. When I am in a group of people, and they want to eat at Burger King, I say, "I'll pass." What I'm really thinking is, "I'd sooner die," but I digress... What do I hate about the BK Lounge?  The disgust is split 3 ways:  Part of it is the quality of food. Part of it is the horrible service. And part of it is their weird creepy mascot.
 
The major reason is the fact that I had the worst food experience of my life there, and the second grosses food story I know. Here's a friendly warning. If you love Burger King, you may want to stop reading, because you may never eat there again.

I was 13 years old, the last time I ate at Burger King. I remember telling my mother that I wanted to try this Whopper that everyone spoke so highly of.  I mean, Burger King is Home of the Whopper, and this was something I just had to experience.I remember holding the bag of food on my lap as we drove home, curious about how good this burger was going to be. I watched my mother and sister pull their meals out of the bag, and devour them like nothing special. Me on the other hand, I was savoring the moment. I ate every single one of my mediocre fries, just so I could save this awesome burger for last.

I unwrapped my Whopper and thought to myself, "I don't see what the hype is all about. It looks like every other fast food burger." I closed my eyes and took the biggest bite I could. To this day, I can't remember what that burger tasted like. The only memory I have of that moment was trying to pull the bite I took away from the burger, and not being able to. This was an odd moment for me. Normally when you take a bite of something, it separates from whatever it was formerly attached to. Not this Whopper. Something was making that bite cling to the rest of the burger for dear life. I decided I need to give it some force.

Have you ever brushed you hair? You know when your brush gets caught on some tangles in your hair if you pull harder on the brush, you hear and feel the hairs snapping? That's what I was experiencing. But not from a brush. Oh no. I felt it across my teeth.

I have had people send food back because they found one lousy hair in their food. BFD. It was probably your hair to begin with. If you think that is bad, try biting into a hairball the size of a hamburger patty, only to find out that's what your doing because you can feel the hair break off in your mouth. Yeah, have that happen, and THEN we'll talk.

I remember spitting the burger out and being confused as hell. I opened up the burger and searched for this massive hair ball. No hair was to be seen. Thinking I was crazy, I did one of the stupidest things I have ever done in my life . . . I took a second bite. Not only did the exact same thing happen, but I nearly gagged trying to break off the bite of hamburger. As I dropped the bite from mouth, I noticed the most peculiar thing. My little hamburger bite was hanging off the burger by several strands of hair. This is also when I noticed the hair was not on my burger, but rather it was the burger. Someone had taken one of their hair clumps (I am guessing from their brush) and inserted it into the ground beef so that it was hidden inside the patty.

That's about the time I threw up my mediocre fries, and swore to myself that I would never step foot into a Burger King ever again.  And since then, I don't "dislike" it.  I don't "prefer" to eat elsewhere.  I HATE it. Life may be too short to hate, but I stand by my choice.

P.S. For those of you who are wondering why that story only made the second grossest food story I know: A friend of mine worked for a certain major theme park in outdoor vending. After a busy day, they were cleaning out one of the Frozen Lemonade carts and found a dead rat was lodged inside near the top. He and his co-worker deduced that the rat had crawled in the machine sometime last night, and the person who loaded it in the morning did not see it. And that machine was serving Frozen Lemonade to people. All day.

Dead rat trumps mystery hairball.