Mormon Up Toph, I'm About To

Like all good things: The Terminator, Frakenberry cereal, Captain EO, Monopoly at McDonald's; I am back. The past month has been a crazy one with big titles dropping at work, a visit from my Mother, and my procrastination getting the better of me. But fear not gentle reader, I am back with a ton of shit to talk about. Enough to hopefully keep you entertained all the way through the holiday season. Starting with my trip to The Book of Mormon.

Before I go to further, you do know what The Book of Mormon is, right? Trey Parker and Matt Stone teamed up with the creator of Avenue Q and produced their first Broadway musical. It got the Tony for best Musical last year. Seriously. Proof:

Earlier this year I turned 31. What's that? Aw thank you. I think I look very good for my age too. This is why we are friends. Where was I? Oh yeah. My BFF asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her that I was dying to see The Book of Mormon. And like that, the tickets magically produced themselves. That's how good Lesley is at finding tickets. Wanna see some band in concert? Talk to Les. Can't get tickets for the show you wanted to see? Lesley is your gal. Looking for the best deal on rooms in Vegas? She's got you covered. It's like she's an entertainment genie, just rub her and make a wish. (WARNING: Last comment was not an endorsement to be taken literally, for too many people rubbing his woman would cause Lesley's boyfriend to murder me, and I kinda like my life.)

We planned on going the day before her birthday (which is now today, so please wish her a Happy Birthday if you know her and value your own life). As we were getting the tickets, we had the age old debate of do we take our wives, or leave them at home. After much deliberation on our part (I think we finished all our Chipotle before we came to an actual decision) we decided that we would go just ourselves because in 17 years of friendship, we had not seen a play or musical just the two of us. Odd right? Even after meeting and becoming friends through High School theatre, we still hadn't seen a show just us. Also, much to our good fortune, our wives did not care in the least that we were going without them. Although, I must admit, they had typical answers of a straight/gay couple.

Gay Couple:
Me: Lesley and I are going to get tickets to see The Book of Mormon just the two of us so we can cross it off our bucket list. Would you be upset if we didn't take you?

Jason: Not at all sweetie. I appreciate you telling me up front. It's not a big deal.

Straight Couple:
Lesley: Hey. Topher and I are going to the Book of Mormon. Would you be upset if it was just him and I that went?

Rod: I don't even know what that is, so . . . . no.

We arrived at the Pantages Theatre in Hollywood, promptly at 7pm. Our plan was to eat at the Irish Pub two doors down from the theatre. Normally I am all for an Irish dinner complete with beer. However, on our journey we passed a Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles two streets down from our destination, and I was immediately dismayed that this information was not brought to my attention earlier. Lesley claimed she did not know about my love for Roscoe's, which I can understand. It's one of those facts about me that a lot of my friends don't know about. 9 times out of 10, I go for the Irish Pub, unless you throw some Chicken and Waffles my way. If you are one of the people I eat out with from time to time, here is my restaurant hierarchy:
1.) Napa Rose
2.) Roscoe's
3.) Irish Pub
4.) Sushi
5.) Red Lobster
6.) Sandwich place
7.) Mediterranean cuisine
8.)  Everything else
9.)Macaroni Grill
10.) IHOP
Never in a million years) Burger King

Unfortunately for us, there was about a bajillion people in the Pub, and there was no way we were going to have enough time to eat and make the show. I doubt we could even order before the Mormon's began singing their little hearts away. As we walked towards the theatre feeling hurt and rejected, we found a small Doughnut/Deli. Knowing how much I like sandwiches, Lesley asked if this was an OK trade off. Two words: Pastrami Croissant. That equals Crazy Delicious in my spectrum of food. They even had a vegetable sandwich for Lesley, since she had to give up meat due to her condition that I am not allowed to speak of. But we can keep this between us. Right? It may not have been an Irish Pub, but it was so damn good eating. Here is Lesley enjoying her vegetable sandwich:

We approach the theatre and see the most epic shirts on the planet. To which Lesley turned to me and said, "I need to get that for Eric as an early birthday present." Not wanting my HLM to have one without me, I bought myself one as well.

Standing in front of the merchandise booth, I knew I was in for a great musical experience. I had already listened to the soundtrack several times (having received it as a 30th birthday gift from my HLM Eric) If I had more money, I would have bought the shirt with the slogan "I'm Gonna Man Up All Over Myself" and the white boxer shorts that said "I Have Maggots in My Scrotum." But alas, I is one poor Mo Fo and could only afford the one.

Unfortunately, while I had left her alone to make my purchases, some crazy Mormon with too much spirit came by and kicked Lesley right in the head. Fortunate enough for me, I saw said moment coming and was able to capture it on my phone.

Then I got hit with what Lesley so lovingly refers to as the "Gay Trap"

We sat in our epic seats, and watched one of the most hilarious musicals I have ever seen. Listening to the soundtrack is awesome. Seeing it in motion is ten times better. You know you're in for a treat when they begin with Moroni burying the tablets that his father gave to him because Jesus (in a light up robe) told him to do so. Directly from there, it jumps in to a song about Mormon's going door to door, which had the same feel to it as the telephone song in Bye Bye Birdie.

This play had everything. Including a guest appearance from Yoda. Lesley would have enjoyed it more if the guy two seats down had shut his face and stopped singing along with the actors. I have to admit, I am on her side. If you paid $100 bucks to see a show, you want to hear the actors sing it, not the asshole next to you. I get that people sing along at concerts, but that is normal protocol. During a play, you should remain silent or have fits of laughter. Maybe even a few witty retorts here and there, but you have to pick your moments. The only time I have ever said something in a play that was above a whisper was in Rent when Maureen asked me to "Moo" with her. And I "Moo"ed my little heart out.

But even Mr. Sing-Along-Sam couldn't kill this moment for us. If you have the chance to go see it, you will not be disappointed. I am very judgmental of musicals, and this was the first one since Rent that I walked out saying, "I loved it." We laughed. We cried (from laughing too hard). We took silly pictures:

And we capped our evening out with a trip to In-N-Out, because that's what going to see a musical is all about.

The only bad thing of the night was Lesley and I saw Neil Patrick Harris outside of the theatre. And what do I do? Step on him. How embarrassing. But when you wear a size 14 shoe, it's kind of hard to see where you're walking.