Obama, Modern Family, and the Token Gay

If you have been living under a rock, you may have missed the controversy about Obama coming out. No, not out of the closet . . . well . . . close enough. I must admit, I didn't hear about this from the news or any media sites. No. I heard this from about fifty of my friends, because apparently when their are issues dealing with Homosexuals Rights, my phone blows up like its the end of the world, which is not good because it IS 2012, so every time this happens I go into false panic mode and start chasing Piper around the house because that's what you do in an emergency: grab the kids, get out of the house. Imagine my disappointment when I find out the world is not ending and friends just want to "share in the joy."

Believe me, I am happy that a president has finally stepped out in support of gay marriage. I think it’s about dang time. I fully support gay marriage, and not just because I would love to marry Jason (and take half his money when we divorce), it’s because I think gays should have the same rights as straight couples, like filing their taxes together or being allowed in the emergency room. But this is not my soap box. 

So why do I sound like a Moping Moe (pun intended)? The real issue for me is that my well-meaning friends always call me when there is ANY issue involving anything related to homosexuals on the news. Can you IMAGINE what it’s like to hear from fifty of your friends every time a new season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race is announced? Did you really need ME to confirm that I knew that Ricky Martin was gay all along?!?  It's like gay is a nationality and they are trying to show the world they aren't racist because they have a token gay friend. I don't call you over heterosexual rights. I don't flaunt you to all my gay friends like you're some type of affirmative action plan for me. And most of all, I DON'T COMPARE YOU TO THE STRAIGHT COUPLES I SEE ON TV.

I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me there. Let me pull back and start this again. When Modern Family came out 3 years ago, all Jason and I ever get compared to is the gay couple on that show. For those of you living under that rock, here's what I am talking about:

Once Will & Grace ended, I thought I would finally stop being referred to as a "Jack," (I see myself as more of a Karen, thank you). But then came the dynamic duo of Cameron and Mitchell. Apparently we act the same, talk the same, dress the same, and even have the same physical attributes:

Really? If you think we look alike, I only have one thing to say to you . . . You're pretty. ;-)

It occurred to me yesterday, as I fielded so many phone calls that I considered hiring an assistant, that the reason why my friends constantly compare us to Cameron and Mitchell is because we quite possibly are the only gay couple that they know. Is Mitchell a super clumsy control freak like Jason? Yes. Am I that guy who was in choir and theatre but still loves watching sports, yeah. But I have NEVER wanted to be a clown except that ONE time I wanted to scare the bejezzus out of my brother-in-law. We don't have a daughter we adopted and have no plans of doing that anytime soon.And neither of us are that flamboyant unless alcohol is involved 

There is one Modern Family Quote I do agree with:

 Cameron Tucker: There's nothing gays hate more then being treated like women. Okay? We don't want to go to your baby shower, we don't have a time of the month, and we don't love pink.

Mitchell Pritchett: You love pink.

Cameron Tucker: No, pink loves me.

I was thinking that it might be interesting to start comparing my straight friends to straight fictional couples from television and movies, just to have some fun.  Not the good ones either. I imagine my friends having a talk about how different they are and how they struggle to make it work as I toss my head back and laugh, taking a drag on my cigarette: “HA!  You guys are SOOO Bella and Edward right now!”

As amusing as that would be to me, I don’t want to lose any friends, so in the wake of this gay marriage announcement, I would like to suggest this as a solution to my heterosexual friends. Take this opportunity and find additional gay people to be friends with. Go to west Hollywood and check out the clubs. Visit Palm Springs and walk down Palm Canyon Drive. Go to Disneyland, 75% of their workers play for my team. Approach the guy at the karaoke bar that just sang a passionate rendition of “Papa Can You Hear Me?” from Yentl. Broaden your horizons and no time you’ll be livin’ la vida loca.