Vacation: Alaska Edition Chapter 3: It's Pronounced Juno

Vacation: Alaska Edition
Chapter 3: It's Pronounced Juno

My brother-in-law Wayne is the brother I never had, but always wanted. Having said that, he is one the most "special" people I have ever met in my life. Let me be clear, he isn't "special" in an annoying or frustrating way. It more resembles an endearing quality that makes you want to pat him on the head and tell him, "You're pretty."

Before embarking on our great Alaskan Adventure, Wayne was very excited to be visiting the city of Juneau. The only problem is he pronounced it like "Jah-new." After asking him what the hell he was talking about, I quickly informed him on the correct pronunciation of Alaska's capitol. My initial thought was to blame it on his hearing disability, but I was sorely mistaken. Apparently he thought it was French and thus needed to say it "like the French do." Apparently my mother, the history teacher, had misinformed me about Alaska's rich French history. Although, Chester the Eskimo on the Tail of Alaskan Airplanes does look a little French.

Later during the cruise, Wayne asked me why the heck we were going to Canada on an Alaskan cruise. It took me a minute of looking at him like he was crazy to figure out that he had no clue where Alaska actually was. Apparently he thought it was an island somewhere, and was unaware that it was attached to Canada and not the United States. Part of me wondered if he even knew where Canada was.

Wayne also has the tendency to be a gull-a-bull. This is the same kid I got to believe that the black mold growing in South America that can eat plastic, was also hypothesized to cure cancer by the year 2020. Remember what I said, any opening I see to mess with you . . . I am going to take it. But that's what I love about Wayne. He keeps coming back for more.

We had a great time in "Jah-new" with Wayne. He bought a fur scarf that had bear paws at the end that you could put your hands in, and nobody had the heart to tell him that only woman wear those. He did try on every ridiculous hat he could find, including the moose antlers that resembled something you would see at Wally World (please tell me I am not so old that you didn't get that reference). And he did have me take a picture of him grabbing a mannequin's boob that was wearing a fur bra and panties. Part of me contemplated buying him the fur jockstrap for a man that went along with the set. But I only had enough money for one, so I bought it for Troy. After all, it is his birthday in a few days.

I may tease Wayne more then anyone on the planet, but I also love him more then anyone who is not blood related. He was the first person I bonded with in the Colby family, and he is the one person I get to keep in the divorce. He stole my heart the first time he misheard somebody saying they didn't like a movie, and he replied with: "No, I'm not going to Starbucks."

My favorite moment with Wayne, was our first karaoke event on the ship. Even with a hearing disability, Wayne still got up and sang "Warning" by Green Day, and I am here to tell you, he sounded pretty dang good. Which just goes to show you, even people who can't hear can still sing karaoke.

 And while we are on the subject of Wayne singing, the next time you see him, ask him to do his "Banana" dance. It's like a hug from Jesus. Maybe I can get it on video and post it.

Yes . . . . Yes.