Tales from the Zodiac part 3: Like a Virgo

Today is the 15th anniversary when I lost my virginity, I decided to write about the sign that is represented by the virgin, Virgos. To be honest, earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) tend to bore me. I'm a Gemini. I move from topic to topic at the speed of light so much that people find me exhausting to be around some days. However, there are aspects of Virgos I do appreciate and is probably why I have several friends that fall under this sign.

TOPHER'S TOP TEN THINGS HE KNOWS ABOUT VIRGOS

1.) They're productive mo' fo's. As a Gemini, I lack productivity. Virgos on the other hand will have already made breakfast, run a mile, put the finishing touches on a 5-year strategic plan for work, and repaired the plumbing in the bathroom; all before I have pulled my lazy ass out of bed.

2.) Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo." Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for any sign of uncleanliness. Which leads into my next point . . . .

3.) Fault finder. Virgos can find faults in people faster then a Scorpio who has been wronged. The difference, Virgos do it in a way they think is being beneficial to you. If they see your faults and present them to you to fix, you will better yourself. If a Virgo had built the Death Star, it would never have been "possible for a single fired bullet into a vent to explode the whole thing." This type of fault finding doesn't end with just you.


4.) They constantly seek to improve themselves. My friend Troy is always looking at himself going, "What did I do wrong," and immediately tries to fix the problem. This would happen more if he wasn't the MOST STUBBORN PERSON I HAVE EVER MET, but I digress.

5.) It is easy to freak out a Virgo. I once told my Virgo coworker that she had something in her teeth.I then proceeded to watch her scrub frantically to dislodge this imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like me.

6.) When Ludacris was talking about "a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed,"he was talking about a Virgo. Attracted first on a intellectual level, but once that occurs, they can unleash their hidden sexuality. Even though they are the sign of the Virgin, their sexual fetishes stray from the vanilla and get into some cray realms. Sleeping with a Virgo is like living the life of a porn site. With a few clicks, you can be in a whole other world that you didn't know existed.

7.) They know if you are only pretending to be nice. Virgos only have about 1 or 2 real friends. They might be friends with a lot of people, but they truly only have a few "best friends." If you are one of these select people, you are either a Virgo yourself, or are of some breed of human that has way more patience then me.

8.) They don't coddle their friends. They're generous, helpful and always concerned about your well being, but they won't hold your hand every time something bad happens. They are not afraid to give you a reality check. If I ever want to hear the blunt reality of a situation, I turn to Heather to lay the smack down in the straight to the point bluntness that only she can deliver.

9.) Don't go through their stuff. If you find a Virgo is keeping something from you don't bring it up.While a Gemini will tell you everything under the sun about themselves, a Virgo has deep hidden layers that should not be poked at unless they themselves bring to the surface.

10.) Knows the value of "true friend." If you are ever in a moment of need, a Virgo will sacrifice just about anything to be by your side. If you have shown them patience, honesty, and respect, a Virgo will bestow upon you the one gift that not many have the privilege to receive: their loyalty.